her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
