some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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