Your tits are I can't wait for
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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