i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
