i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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