The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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