You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
