I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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