just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
