she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
