he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
