i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
