Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
