just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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