Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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