Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
