That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
