I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
