I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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