are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
