Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
