hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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