I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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