shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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