Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
