Welp...herpes.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
