I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
