my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
