Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
