I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it glows. i had to have it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
