I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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