dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
