Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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