A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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