mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
