i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
