I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
