If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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