i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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