I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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