I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
