you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
