Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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