His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
