I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
do nipples grow back?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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