I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
