i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
