you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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