i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
