I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
