I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
