hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
