He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
