I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
