highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Found your dick twin last night
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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